Terrible Copy…

I am by no means an expect copywriter, but this copy caught my attention.  This is an ad on a local newsgroup from (I guess) a local business.  Am I the only one who feels that this copy is absolutely terrible? 

Title: FS:Countertops

Body: Sick of your old countertop let us sell you a new one. Quotes on site. Call Frazer at xxx-xxxx

If I had to give this copy a try, I would write something like:

Imagine a new countertop that blends so nicely with your kitchen that you look forward to preparing your next meal.

Imagine friends and family visiting your home and have their breath taken away by the beauty of your new kitchen.

A new countertop can transform any kitchen.  A new look that will even impress your mother-in-law.

Call me today for a free in-home quote.  No obligation.

Frazer Lastname
Company Name
(xxx) xxx-xxxx

This was my first attempt at copy writing, and a very rough draft too.  So what do you think?  Did I do a better job?  I would certainly hope so because I don’t believe I would ever buy from frazer based on his ad.  There’s no reason too.

Love to hear your thoughts on it.

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